Helping Little Ones Navigate Their Big Feelings: The LENDS Approach

As parents and caregivers, we play a crucial role in helping little ones navigate their big feelings. Emotions can be overwhelming, especially for young children who are still learning how to understand and manage them. By using the mnemonic LENDS, we can guide our children through their emotional experiences with compassion and wisdom. LENDS stands for Listen, Express, Note, Discuss, and Show. Let’s break down each step and see how we can use this approach to support our little ones.

L: Listen to and Allow the Emotion

Emotions are meant to be felt, even the hard ones. When your child is experiencing a strong emotion, it’s essential to listen and allow them to express what they’re feeling. Create a safe space where they feel heard and validated. This step is about showing empathy and understanding without immediately trying to fix the problem.

At this stage, we are just allowing the emotion. If the child is having a tantrum, try not to talk to them. Stay close to insure they remain safe.

E: Express the Name of the Emotion

Helping children identify and name their emotions aids in emotional awareness and regulation. By putting a label on their feelings, you help them make sense of what they’re experiencing.

Example: “I saw that you were feeling mad.”

N: Note What They Did

Reflecting on what they did during the emotional moment gives an opportunity to learn and understand their reactions. This step helps children become more aware of their behavior and its impact.

Example: “I saw that when you were mad, you threw your toys.” “I saw that when you were made you scratched Gramma.”

D: Discuss What They Should Have Done

This step is the start of building emotional intelligence. Discussing alternative actions helps children understand how to handle their emotions constructively.

Example: “I saw that you were mad. When you were made I saw you scratch Gramma. When you are mad, you should try (Bee Breath, Dragon Breath…)

S: Show and Practice

Children learn by observing and practicing. Demonstrate appropriate emotional responses and guide them through practicing these new skills. Role-playing can be an effective way to reinforce learning.

Example: “Let’s practice Star Breath together>”

Praise Even the Littlest of Progress

Remember to praise your child for their efforts, no matter how small. Positive reinforcement encourages them to continue practicing emotional regulation and reinforces their progress.

Example: “I’m so proud of you for asking for help when you felt frustrated. That was a great choice!”

Navigating big feelings can be challenging for little ones, but with the LENDS approach, we can provide them with the tools and support they need to manage their emotions effectively. By listening, expressing, noting, discussing, and showing, we help our children build emotional intelligence and resilience. Always remember to celebrate their progress, no matter how small, as every step they take is a step toward a more emotionally aware and confident future.